The Dummy Fairy

Since I’ve had a lot of interest in how we prepared Ted for letting go of his biggest comfort, I thought a blog post might be useful to some of you. 

Now this isn’t something we did much research about or felt that we needed to. We figured we would know when the time was right. I knew we needed to make sure we were ready as a family and most importantly Ted was ready too (not that he said he was ready, we just picked a time that we knew he would cope. I mean if we were to wait for him to tell us he would still have a dummy at 18 I’m sure)! 

We had the gorgeous baby Albert 4 months ago now (wow)  and many times while pregnant I thought to myself ‘that dummy needs to go’ or ‘you look way too old to have a dummy’’ but being realistic it was not a good time to let go because…

1. Durrr I was pregnant and was trying to survive life with a toddler!

2. Ted really did/does love his dummy. 

3. There was already going to be lots of change having to share his mummy and daddy and his comfort would be important during this period. 

As you may already know I have been a trained teacher for 7 years now, the last 5 teaching within Early Years (ages 4-7). And of course this means I know the impact a dummy could/does have on a child’s speech development! ‘Dummy talk’  is actually a thing and not something us teachers just say! Ted has a vast range of vocabulary, is confident talking in sentences and loves telling stories and I didn’t want anything to hinder his speech journey. Having his dummy in his mouth affected the way he pronounced some of his words and I didn’t want this to become a habit. TOP TIP: We always told him we couldn’t understand or hear him with his dummy in and therefore he soon realised he had to take it out when he wanted us to listen or have a conversation. Overall we knew the time was right to say goodbye! 

We didn’t plan on planning a date or a day far in advance but, what we did decide to do was reduce the amount of time he had a dummy from when his speech began to develop rapidly around 2 years old.

 As a family, including Ted, we decided on these three phrases “dummy car” “dummy bed” and “dummy pot”. We bought a ‘special’ pot that we kept in his bedroom (a little grey plastic ‘pencil’ pot from Wilkos) and he knew that every time he left the room the dummy went into the pot. Don’t get me wrong I’ve lost count of the amount of battles we had actually doing this, especially when he was still feeling sleepy in the mornings. BUT we stuck to it as much as we could… I mean we are only human! We also made sure there was always at least one dummy in the car and that’s where it stayed!!  Ted soon realised that he enjoyed our chats and games of “what do you see Teddy”  in the car, that he often didn’t bother putting his dummy in, unless of course he was tired and wanted to chill. 

From January, when Albert was born, until March, Ted matured rapidly. He changed from a toddler to a little boy in front of our eyes (he really did step up and become a brave, thoughtful big brother). This sparked an idea that it would go on his 3rd birthday. I knew we had planned a super fun day for him with lots of surprises, gifts and games and if any day ,especially during lockdown, this would be the “best day” to say goodbye… we hoped. 

I wanted to go with the idea that there were little fairies (or princesses as Ted refers to them as) who would take his dummies and give them to the little babies who needed them and in return they would leave a gift or two OR THREE (Mum guilt)! I mean this isn’t a “NEW” idea but I knew I would need to make it personal and magical for Ted as this was a BIG deal! 

How we did it: 

We ordered a wooden (decorate your own) ‘fairy door’ from Hobby Craft along with some glitter, paint and sequins. Costing under £10! The package arrived and it was a special delivery for Ted! HOW EXCITING (You really do need to do a bit of acting and make this experience magical and real- if you know me personally this was right up my street)! 

I “read” a letter from the Fairies explaining Ted’s special job (you could type a letter if you wish but Ted cannot read yet so the address label on the box did the trick along with my ‘excited storytelling voice’) ! It went a little like this … 

“Dear Ted, we are the dummy fairies and we have sent you a secret fairy door. We need your help to make this door magical by decorating it however you like. In the box you have got paint, glitter, sequins.  

Once you have decorated the door the magic can begin. We hear that very soon you are going to be a big boy- you are turning 3!! When girls and boys turn 3 it is important that they give their dummies to the little babies that need them, just like Albert! Once the door is dry leave it somewhere in your house (he chose the playroom) up high on the shelf and wait for the magic to begin. 

Ted was so excited by this and it was a lovely crafty activity to do together, even if he was “done” after 5 minutes and left me to finish painting and tidying… Typical 2 year old style. 

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The door lived In the playroom and this was great as it reminded us to ‘chat’ and remind Ted what was going to happen. We rang family members and told them all about the fairies. Ted would quite often say “I don’t know what will happen” mainly because he didn’t want this to happen (very normal)! 

Two weeks before his birthday we did a countdown chart (simply a title “the final countdown” on a4 paper with 14 numbered post-its). Every morning Ted would pull off a number and tell us how many sleeps we’re left until the big day! He loved doing this and after a few days it would be the very first thing he mentioned when he woke up in the morning (this could also be just as exciting without a birthday, I mean its not everyday fairies come through a magical door and leave you gifts)!

A week before the big day we received a “call” from the fairy who sent Ted a message 

“Don’t forget we will be coming in 7 sleeps, well done for being such a brave and kind boy. Because of this we are sending you a special treat in the post”. 

The next day we had a “Donut HomeKit ” arrive from Donut time UK (would highly recommend). Ted is obsessed with donuts, dairy free due to his allergy, and these have been hard to get hold of during lockdown. So this dairy free kit was a special treat for sure! Ted was so excited by this package (as were we) and again we had a chat about the fairies coming very soon. 

The night before

Just before bedtime we went on a ‘dummy hunt’ just to double check there were not any hiding outside of the pot (make sure you thoroughly check at this point, as we clearly didn’t)***

**Fast forward ‘Post Fairies Day 6’-

Ted was having ‘chill time’ on his ipad quietly in his room… so quietly I did wonder… and yep that right, he had found a dummy at the bottom of his ball pit! Ted’s little dummy fix didn’t last very long. “Silly fairies forgot this dummy” quickly whipping it out his mouth “to the post box you go” (this will make sense when you read on haha)! We also used this opportunity to give the fairies his bottles as this was also another item he was ready to let go of. 

Together we set the magical fairy door outside his bedroom with his bottles and dummies just in front. Ted took one dummy to bed for the last time (until his new comfort arrived from the fairies). He explained that he was feeling sad and he didn’t want them to go yet. We told him that they had to and it’s okay to feel sad and gave him a big hug. We also reminded him that he would get a special gift to replace his dummies. Simply reflecting how they feel is sometimes all they need (along with a good old cuddle). 

That night the Fairy came, took his dummies in the pot and his bottles and left three gifts: animal bath bombs (ted’s favourite), dairy free chocolate buttons and three gorgeous small animals Muslins that he could have instead of his dummies. The reason we let Ted take one dummy to bed was because he hasn’t had his replacement comfort yet and we didn’t want him to have nothing in bed with him that night. Along with the gifts, an envelope was left, with the fairies’ address and a special note that said “Please post Ted’s last dummy”. Ted was so excited with the three gifts and the magic of it all that he surprisingly, popped the dummy inside and later that day happily posted it in the post box at the end of our road (not sure what the postman thought)! 

We both decided that if/ when Ted asks or gets upset about his dummy we would repeat the same sentence “It is okay to be sad but you’re three now”. 

That night he told us he wanted his dummy and that he felt sad. We reflected his feelings and repeated the sentence while giving him his new comfort to cuddle.

It is now two weeks after his birthday and I can count only on one hand the amount of times he’s asked for or even spoken about his dummy. He takes slightly longer to fall asleep but has taken this whole situation in his stride and we are SO proud of him! 

I really do hope this gives you some idea of how you could let go of your little ones dummy. For Ted I knew that if we went “cold turkey” this would be traumatic for him. Ted thrived from having the count down and a “real” purpose as to why the dummies needed to go. 

Please do share your dummy stories with me. I would love to hear them all! 

Love Kayleigh x x x